I posted a picture of myself on reddit asking for hair advice. My head was turned somewhat to the side so my nose was in profile. Someone felt the need to tell me I had the ugliest nose they had ever seen. I never really noticed the shape before that, but now in my mind’s eye it’s huge, crooked and has a hook.
A decade later I was getting a septoplasty to repair damage from an assault, and I asked the surgeon if he could remove the hook in my nose. He looked at me with the most compassion anyone ever has, and asked me to point out the hook in the mirror. It was the first time in all those years I finally saw my real nose. It’s actually pretty cute, I don’t know what that commentor was smoking
Hurt people hurt people
I’ve been sick for a really long time, and I finally got diagnosed with Lupus, based on blood labs and symptoms, but the rheumatologist I’d seen was a jerk, so I asked in the reddit Lupus sub if what I’d experienced was OK, or if I should find a new doctor. Well, the mod decided that I didn’t really have a diagnosis, because they didn’t understand what I’d said, and kept DMing me to tell me that I didn’t have Lupus, and shouldn’t be receiving treatment for it. I know I shouldn’t listen to randos on the internet, especially a Reddit mod, but it made me scared that I wasn’t going to finally get the help I so desperately needed.
My doctor has continued to help me, and I’m very thankful that the idiot power-tripping mod was wrong, but it really messed me up for a few weeks, and it still bothers me that someone who runs a support group for a serious illness uses it to try to have power over vulnerable people, just to make themselves feel better. And reddit lets them; you can’t block mod-mail, so after asking multiple times to be left alone, I finally got mad and swore at the mod, so they reported me for harassment, and reddit baned my whole account for 3 days, even though it was clear who was being harassed, because it was all there in writing. I have never been back to reddit, and I don’t miss it at all.
Well, the mod decided that I didn’t really have a diagnosis, because they didn’t understand what I’d said, and kept DMing me to tell me that I didn’t have Lupus, and shouldn’t be receiving treatment for it.
Ignore it, if you can. 99% of the people on the internet (and real life, sadly):
- Don’t pay attention enough to understand what you said/asked.
- Assume that their life experience applies to everyone else on the planet.
- Have no idea what life is like for everyone else.
Thank you, and yes, you’re right. That’s why I don’t post about things that will upset me, I was just desperate for some advice and support for the terrible disease with which I’d just been diagnosed. I (stupidly) assumed I could be relatively safe posting in a sub specifically dedicated to supporting people with a disease, but even the leader of the group can’t be reasonable, which is really too bad. I’ve acclimated to having this disease now, and I’m confident I can get the help I need, so I know I won’t be bothered by the opinion of an ignorant internet person anymore. But I’m obviously still bitter enough to complain about it somewhere else lol.
Not from a person. When I was younger I took an online personality test. Nothing from a reputable source, just some random pop psychology thing. The result was short and had a few things on it, but one line hit me like a ton of bricks: “You don’t like people who aren’t as smart as you.”
I was incredulous at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was probably true at some level. I was pretty horrified by this realization, and I ended up thinking about it a lot and doing a ton of introspection. I knew I was smart, but I started acknowledging that there were also a ton of things I was terrible at. Whenever I had intrusive thoughts about a person I thought wasn’t very smart, I tried to think about things they were good at or at least acknowledge privileges I had that they didn’t.
We are a product of our experiences, and different people have different skills and aptitudes for things. All of that is ok and doesn’t make someone better than anyone else. I’m not perfect at it, but I found some value in confronting uncomfortable truths about myself.
I’ve performed and conducted more interviews than I can count. I was once asked a question that stopped me cold. “You’re clearly an intelligent person. How do you manage stupid people?” My mind reeled. At first I thought he was being insulting, but then realized he’s not identifying anyone in particular, just assessing my ability to lead people who are stupid. It’s still to date the toughest interview question I’ve been asked.
How did you answer?
After some uncertain smiles and stumbles, I said with patience, high support, and high direction. It was awkward, and not without some rambling.
Since then I’ve realized when I’m having difficulty conveying a complex idea to someone who may not understand, I tend to break the idea down into smaller components. I also often use analogies to help connect a concept to one the listener already understands.
I’ve thought about answering that question again on many occasions. I’m just glad it was a mock interview. lol
The truly hard part is detecting when the person you’re talking to doesn’t understand. Too many people pretend they understand when they don’t and are too embarrassed to ask questions.
Verify understanding with qualifying questions. Ask them to put it into their own words with questions like, “how would you describe it?”
Knowledge might not be intelligence but I really found xkcd’s 10000 a wonderful be idea.
When I was a lot younger, on an old forum back in the early 00s, someone called me a “know-it-all”. This sounds silly now but it really hit me in just the wrong way at the time, I was sincerely trying to fit in by showing off my knowledge of the subject with no idea that that’s how I was coming across. I guess it was a learning experience.
Now I want to be a learn-it-all.
Not really, my skin is pretty thick. But I made a comment once that fucked someone up real good. I think about it every time I start to go “too far” and I reel it back in, because I never want to be that person again.
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Fine. Try not to judge.
Someone was having a very bad day and took it out on me with unprovoked anger on Reddit (of course). Their comments were very pointed, unnecessary, and all around inappropriate for the work related sub we were in. I took the bait, and it got a lot worse. Any attempt to reason with them (my first mistake) just made it worse.
So, I found out who they were and where they worked based on their username. Called the office (with no plan, like what was I going to accomplish? Dumb.) But, I found out he was just fired the prior week. With surprisingly little effort, I was able to squeeze the dirty details out of the receptionist. It was bad—and it was the dirt I needed. I took that information and formed a comment that would shut their shit down for good…
What ended up happening was they responded negatively—as anyone would. But, there was weakness in it. I won. But I wasn’t satisfied. “They sucker punched me. I am the victim!” I convinced myself.
So, high on anger and craving the last blow, I dug through their comment history like a rabid animal, but instead of dirt, I found their life story. They were having a lot of mental issues dealing with anger. They were mid-divorce. They were having anxiety about finding employment. They were up to their eyeballs in debt. Etc…
Fuck, what have I done?!
Never again.
Yeah, I tried and I failed. I applaud that you can look back at that and change your behavior online, but past you is getting judged hard rn, lol
Yes.
On a forum, I was complaining about a troll and his friend roasting something i made, they responded with a picture of a baby crying. Moderators did nothing. It ruined my week. I was like 16 at the time.
Damn, people are jerks.
Edit:
This is where I learn the thing they made was like a pride swastika.
One time I told a painful story about when my girlfriend broke up with me for a dude with what she described as a “freakishly huge” dick.
Someone just said “That must have been a very memorable night for her”
oof
damn son
Didn’t really hurt but more like sting. I published a popular video and someone wrote they needed to switch from their usual 2x speed watching videos to 1x because of my accent.
I get it, English is my 4th language so it won’t be very smooth. But I’ve been using it for 99℅ of my conversations since I moved to Korea 3 years ago and I feel I’m better in it than almost everyone I interact with here.
Don’t worry. People that watch videos at 2x can be considered to be insane.
It’s because you talk fast and efficient.
Btw english is my 2nd, may I ask what are your other three? My first is Hungarian
Some people are very insensitive to other people’s hard work.
goign from 2x to 1x is not really that bad of a thing. Hes saying he can understand you but not at an artificially high rate of speed. I personally don’t get watching things at multiple speeds but im someone who would rather read a doc overall.
You know 4 languages!?!?! That’s amazing. Don’t let anyone judge you because you’re not 100% in 4 friken languages.
Deeply? No, but you try and be funny or helpful and sometimes it offends someone because they read it a certain way (text can be ambiguous) and that can ruin a day for me. No good reason, mind you, but they can get really mean about it and what, do I apologize or fight? You didn’t exactly want to clarify for a jackass coming after you for no reason.
I’m also not highly fond of people when they correct you on stuff when it’s not really warranted. Lemmy does that a lot; you can’t always write a 20pg paper about a random comment to address every little facit of what you said, haha.
Yeah I just leave those comments and walk away. Explaining or editing a comment no-one is ever going to read is not worth the time. Nothing good can come from it.
You win some you lose some.
Comment on something new.
One time I said on Reddit that I really missed my high school boyfriend because he genuinely was the love of my life, and things were so bad in my marriage I sometimes thought I would do anything to have him back, and someone told me I was like the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I was just lonely and sad and feeling desperate. It was fucking mean.
I’m sorry people suck sometimes. I hope you’re in a happier place now. High school boyfriends are the best what-ifs because you can assume they grew up, imagine their potential, and not have to see all their screwups.
It ended up being dumb because he had evolved into a Qanon type person looking him up on Facebook, but I was just sad for a feeling I once had. Thank you. I’m not really in a better place, and never tie your finances to a crazy person or you’ll never get free.
My wife wanted to say, in a loving way, that kinda is what the My Crazy Ex Girlfriend show is about. Also lots of music and kitchy themes.
Tell your wife I appreciate it. It was just a sad time for me and that asshole wanted to hurt me.
Once I was told that I deserved to be fired and, another time, I was told that I am unable to think properly so I shouldn’t work as a software developer.
Both remarks were quite painful because they were not questioning my ideas/opinions but my professional abilities. I confess that in my “down” moments those thoughts tend to pop up even years later.
Displays of extreme ignorance or stupidity hurt me on an existential level; so yes, a lot of internet comments hurt me.
Plenty of comments hurt my brain trying to comprehend how utterly stupid they are, but I don’t think there’s anything an anonymous stranger could say that would hurt my feelings, that kinda stuff needs to be personal.
A person who I used to look up to tried grooming me. Needless to say they underestimated both my age AND my intelligence.
Probably not what you mean but blatant misogyny, hatred, or animal or human abuse, I find those painful to read
