the stoat is a vicious and bloodthirsty killer (whose a cute lil’ vicious and bloodthirsty killer, YOU are! yes YOU are!)

elon walks into the pentagon and says take me to the black budget wing and they walk him into a janitor’s closet and he’s never seen again

trump walked out on thin ice with the business class but the business class freaks that were already standing out there on the thin ice of current market context went “woah woah hold it there big guy there is ALREADY not enough room out here on the thin ice, you got no business walking on ice this thin”

libcons and overton windowmaxxers for nearly 30 years: (vaguely) China is doing a trade war on us!

china today: moo hoo ha ha

init array white.house(["C","H","E","E","T","O"])

neat, el rincon’s is running the pollo asado combo plate for 10.99

anime femcoded quarter pounder hanger-on youtube keyword-in-title news channel (derogatory) (user was wood chippered for this post)

no wonder DC and Puerto Rico are so controversial, they haven’t even been made yet

both of these guys suck shit like sucking shit was an olympic sport

don’t even THINk about

mom can we have dr bronners soap bottle literature

mom: we have dr bronners at home

the dr bronners at home:

triple treat box, three courses and the courses are:

bread

bread but as a side

bread but as a sweet

type-a vs type-b wifabetes

ok but Eric Adams is a compulsive liar. constant, sustained, even unnecessary lying. if you were gonna count up just the provable lies that guy tells and then use that to inform the probability that he’s lying at any given moment, he’d probably beat coinflip odds

lol not just a propaganda bill, but literally JUST a propaganda bill. no stealthy chicanery or pseudocryptic naming convention, flat out JUST “gommunism bill”

inb4 you make the same comment a third time

CFOs, CTOs, CHROs, a myriad of Cs and Os

reports are trickling in that the crying baby was holding a fistful of crumpled boarding passes printed in Cyrillic

so did the obvious contract killing come with specific stipulations for how a message should be sent (neato)

or was the contract killer ideologically sympathetic and doing pro bono work (basedbasedbased) (waow)

we need a word for the experience of being simultaneously shockingly surprised/pathetically unsurprised by a headline or article telling on itself/the writer/the editor/the paper