I don’t know how it’d work but I’d be interested in something to deal with spam/scams. That annoying “Fediverse chick” thing, sure i blocked her, as can other individuals. And I guess the account could be flagged to whatever instance the account is registered to? But if it became a frequent problem, with bot account spamming people, it would be handy to have a way a tracking what accounts are getting blocked by lots of people.

Even if I wouldn’t want to autoblock accounts just because they’re unpopular, I might want to stop or mark as ‘caution’ private messages from “problem” accounts.

When I was getting settled on my dose the doctor told me to keep upping the dose until things got worse rather than better. And there was defintely a point (54mg xaggatin, a slow release concerta type) where it was too much, I didnt want to relax I just wanted to get shit done. I’m sure it could have been efficient but it didn’t feel like me, and felt kinda stressy. So I’ve been on the dose below that (36mg) for a couple of years.

The amazing novelty wears off, and i can go back to my old avoidance routines, especially if I’m tired or sick, or anxious about something. But when my mood is good, and I’m taking care of myself, I can be efficient and focus on stuff well, while before that wad almost impossible unless I had a last minute deadline to panic me into focus.

The way I think about it is the drugs don’t make it easy for me to focus, they just make it possible. So now I can do all those things people said before about breaking tasks down, and setting manageable goals and stuff to make tasks achievable. It’s not easy, but it isn’t easy for most people. It’s just no longer impossible. But it takes a lot relearning, trying out things that wouldn’t have worked before and it doesn’t always work. But it’s so much better than before.

Thanks! It’s defintely more stuff like long term stuff, helping me schedule stuff or make appointments, reminding me to stop avoiding opening my mail, etc. And there’s lots of stuff I help then with, their blindspots and weaknesses.

That’s what I think makes a good relationship - being with someone with complementary skills, who you trust, who wants the best for you, and who it’s a pleasure to help not just because you love them, but because what they find impossible is easy for you (and vice versa).

Hah ! No, quite the opposite. I do almost all the cooking and cleaning, because I like making my partner happy. But I can’t find the motivation to do it for myself. When I was single, I would invite friends over for food as often as I could, because I love cooking, and I’d make exciting and challenging things that we’d all enjoy. But if it’s just me I spend a few hours being indicisive and then just eat so much toast I feel sick and feel sad.

The structure my partner provides is someone who expects meals to be at meal times, and will judge me if I just start eating a family sized pack of snacks at 3pm because I’m peckish. Or will be disappointed if I promise to do something then just scroll my phone instead. At the time it annoys me not being free to indulge myself, but when I actually get the chance I realise how little I enjoy it. It’s been really helpful to realise that just because I hate structure and rules and people’s expectations… I hate the goblin I become without them much more.

Perhaps I don’t think about cousins enough to have considered that. To me “sibling” refers to my brothers and sisters, and therefore extends naturally to “their kids” more than to other family members on the same generation. The old English word that sibling was revived from meant “kinfolk” and would have included all family whether brothers, nieces, cousins or aunts.

If I talk about “my nildren” it’s maybe a bit too possessive, and “nids” Is gross, but I’d be open to other suggestions! Niblings is defintely kinda silly, which was part of the charm when they little anklebiters.

Ah, I didn’t know that. A quick search suggests that most of the telemetry and tracking have been removed… But yeah, I might look at other options.

Can confirm. Licked the outside of a subway cart once. Truly horrific.

I just switched to librewolf and was recommended Fennec on my phone (so far so good!)

Totally understand the desire. I defintely do better when I’m in a situation where I can just deal with stuff in front of me, and someone else takes care of the long term stuff and keeps me accountable. Not sure about jobs, the army comes to mind but has some major downsides. But there’s other similar gigs like the merchant navy and offshore workers, where you’re living and working in a structured environment and then get a long breaks to chill out.

What worked for me was getting a partner who is organised and creates structure. Sometimes I think I miss my freedom and wish I was back being a bachelor… But then I have a few days in the house alone, getting nothing done as the mess builds up around me and not even playing games or anything fun, just failing to live… Then I remember why I traded my independence.

Nibling. Like sibling but for nephews and nieces. Helpful when describing them as a group, or unspecified, and also good if one ends up being somewhere less clear on the gender binary.

Yeah, I think this is a naive and hopeful as the maga types thinking Trump is a genius playing 4d chess.

I think “according to the law” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. That is the part that really makes it an oath to the ‘constitution’ of the UK. You are pledging alligence to the figurehead of the government, to obey them/the government, as long as they/the government are acting legally. If the government does something illegal, or asks you to do something illegal, you should not obey them.

I’m British, and not a fan of the monarchy (especially Charles) but I think that we can see the advantages of having a head of state who has very little power to fuck things up, and that isn’t a position that outside forces billionaires can buy their way into, but has the power to remove a Prime Minister if they tried to do something unconstitutional.

The idea of checks and balances in the US didn’t seem to plan for a bad president being elected with enough support in the house and Senate that he becomes pretty much untouchable (especially after a first term stacking the SC).

Is crazy that it’s true apparently. I find it incredulous that this isn’t an intentional subversion?

“We love you Trump!”, covered in Trump dollars, as a false idol to money / Satan / the antichrist… All notionally to draw attention and protect trafficed and abused children?! The guy who joked about his good friend Jeffery liking the “on the younger side”? And regularly visited Pedo island?! Surely its trolling!?!

Or not. Sadly, that is a real possibility.

(just to clarify, I don’t think goats are satanic, they’re delightful. But the cultural connotations are what they are…)

I’m defintely not a fan of cops, but in Scotland I never thought of them as evil/lazy/incompetent. They’re still the arm of state control, and have been used to break strikes and stuff, but there is at least a vibe of policing by consent. There are plenty of cases of individual cops who were psychos, and the institution defintely defaults to ‘protecting it’s own’ which is a fucking terrible attitude and in my mind makes all cops culpable for the crimes of the “bad apples”. So I’m still acab overall.

But most of my interactions with the police have been pretty decent, and that includes being questioned as a suspect (for something that I may not have been innocent of…) They don’t ‘solve’ many petty crimes like burglary that actual effect normal people but they are generally university educated and properly trained.

I now live in France, where the police are none of those things. I’ve only heard bad things about them ranging from patronising and incompetent to raping student protesters in the back of the police van. I would never ask a French cop for help, but unless I was high or carrying something illegal, i wouldn’t be worried about talking to a Scottish policeman.

I think any good relationship will make you friends, and it isn’t awkward, it’s great! But having been married a while, it is something you need to work at. With a long term partner they can end up in a bunch of different types of relationships with you - as well as friend, romantic parter and lover, they might be the equivalent of business parter, or boss/employee (for various household and family chores / projects) and learning how to do all those things well, and without ruining the other parts of the relationship can be challenge.

But if the balance is just between ‘friend’ and ‘gf’, I’d say the trick is knowing when to prioritise one over the over. There are times I’m horny and want to take things in that direction, but I realise my partner would rather have a cup of tea and complain about work. Equally, we might be getting intimate, and I’m tempted to make some dumb joke, because it’s funny and that’s what I do with a friend, so I have to weigh up my priorities (mostly sex wins, but sometimes I say the dumb thing and we both have a big laugh and then make dinner.)

Echoing other lemmings, there’s basically no difference. There js a certain niche who seem to think that pansexual is more trans inclusive, but that attitude doesn’t align with almost all bisexuals opinions on the matter, or with the history of how the bisexual community has been accepting and collaborating with the trans community since pretty much the birth of both communities.

The delightful verilybitchie, who is both bisexual and trans, has a bunch of good video on the history of bisexuality, trans stuff, and biphobia*. They are defintely worth watching!

/* it’s pretty hard to hear ‘bisexuals exclude trans people’ and not feel like that’s an example of biphobia.

Revision and exams are a really difficult challenge for many ADHD people. I’ve done completed multiple degrees, and still don’t think I’ve mastered it. And other folks have said, everyone is different, so it’s more about finding out what works for your son than general advice… Apart from, perhaps, that “just try harder” is terrible advice for everyone. So I’m just going to speak about own experiences, but hopefully it can get you thinking about what might click with your son.

Getting started and sticking with it - Even if its something I enjoy, I can find it hard to get started and if it’s something I’m anxious about or don’t enjoy or have had a bad experience with, it can be almost impossible. **Suggestions **- Having someone help me start and stay with me (so I don’t just give up and do something else) is really helpful. Depending on the task it might enough for them to just sit by (maybe doing their own focused work, as a good model) or to be there for me to ask questions and bounce stuff off every time i get stuck. Its also important to learn what time of day works best for the individual, my brain works much better in the morning and if I try and work on something in the evening its 10x harder.

Focus and Engagement - Even if I’m really motivated, and supported, I can read the same page ten times and not take it in. For me, reading sequentially through something and trying to remember it, even if take notes, is not enough to engage my brain. Suggestions: Stupid stuff like starting partway through a book section so I find it a bit confusing, then flick back and forth trying to understand it makes it more engaging and stops my brain tuning out. Similarly, instead of trying to memorize a bunch of information, I respond well to questions/problem solving - if I’m trying to prove a point to someone, suddenly I’ll be great at skimming through textbooks to find the info I need. Learning about the different states of matter could be mind-numbing, but trying to explain to someone “why turning into either steam or ice could make a container of water explode” would get me thinking about a bunch of relevant topics.

Memorization and Notes - I spent a lot of school struggling to write notes, then never reading them. Since then I’ve found non-linear approaches much more effective: mind maps, brainstorming with post-its, even drawing pictures. Stuff like mind maps reward brains that jump from one idea to another, rather than being expected to work through an ordered list. Being asked to write down all the ideas that come to mind on “Why did the Civil War happen?” is more interesting than reading a chapter on someone else’s answers. Even if you don’t know anything about the subject, you can put down some vague ideas (“ugh, slavery? something about states rights?”) and then quickly look up stuff about it to flesh it out. When it works well, I suddenly realize, “shit, i’m meant to be studying and making a mindmap, not getting distracted and reading ‘the myth of the Lost Cause’… oh wait, this IS studying!”

tl;dr - what helps is unique, but helping your son get started, making studying interactive and conversational helps, and maybe try mind-maps and non-linear approaches. If he can find a way to become genuinely curious he will motivate himself!

Brilliant. “chez mamie” Is perfect too

That finding is pretty mind blowing!

Calories in - calories out is true, but people often have the wrong idea about it. It’s very much not ‘what you eat’ - ‘exercise’. Like you say, being a tall young man probably indicates a decent base calorie expenditure.

Most people are aware that maintaining muscle mass spends more calories than maintaining fat stores (whose purpose is to provide calories during a famine!) but for many people the main uses of the calories they consume is to maintain body temperature. There’s indications that who are obese maintain a lower core temperatures during the day, which uses up less energy.

How many calories are spent on maintaining body temperature varies between individuals by up to 600kcal. So it possible that you and I eat the exact same diet, and you go for a two hour walk every evening while I scroll my phone on the couch, and I’ll lose weight and you’ll gain it.

And even in a sedentary lifestyle there’s a large variety of energy expenditure. Studies on esports are not conclusive yet, there’s some pretty dumb stuff sponsored by gaming companies that say shit like “one hour gaming = 1000 situps”. But more reputable studies suggest a more modest 50-100% increase in calorie expenditure compared to just sitting (so, the same as standing up or perhaps a gentle walk). And just fidgeting, changing posture and shifting in your seat can use up 350kcal

So it’s perfectly possible for OP’s brother to not do much obvious activity, and still use up the equivalent of a couple of big macs or 7 cans of cola, compared with a less fidgety friend with a more ‘efficient’ metabolism.