A (nice) coworker once asked me if I had a system for managing tasks.
I thought they were asking to learn, so I enthusiastically told them about the ~30 different systems I use; the inbox of all incoming tasks, a flowchart for task allocation, urgency VS importance whiteboards, etc, etc. I mentioned each of the books and methodologies those systems came from. (I highly recommend this 5min vid and listening to Order from Chaos (written by and for people with ADHD))
“Oh… cool” was their response, and in that moment I realized they were actually asking because they thought I didn’t have any system at all…
I just checked out the book and bought it, thanks!
Yes, but which scheduling app should I use? Best start with a spreadsheet to narrow down the best option, then I can really get cracking.
it looks blurry because we’re just that exhausted
The less pixels in this Affleck reaction correlates directly to how exhausted one is
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You got a link to that one?
“Thanks, I’ll add a note to make a schedule”
makes schedule never
I mean, if it’s a new therapist it still seems valuable to go through the “obvious” checklist first just to make sure you’ve covered your bases. For some people it may be enough, even if it isn’t for most 🤷🏼♂️
this is my cue to show them the million task lists and corresponding calendar appointments with 87 notifications each
“have you tried doing a backflip 360 noscope into nosegrind into mctwist into nose manual folding your laundry and working how you’re supposed to?”
Tell me HOW to do stuff, don’t just tell me to do stuff.
Therapy was a good start to stop wallowing and beating myself up, but my journey into actually doing stuff I need to do is still long and arduous.
This is because most therapists (in my loooooong experience) have absolutely zero understanding of executive dysfunction :|
They keep suggesting that to autistics like me too.
But schedules and calendars that go beyond “this has to be done on or by that date or you’re fucked” stress me the fuck out.
They keep trying to “fix” my sleep schedule and non-existent executive function by trying to schedule every second of every day and the result is that I’m so stressed I can’t even get something like brushing my teeth done.
Tip: instead of making schedules, try to build habits.
Start with something small and make an effort to do it every single day for a month or every day of the week for three months.
The hardest part is to be consistent, so try to not skip more than one day.
I’d sum up my everyday experience with just that: I can’t make habits. Or form a routine.
every fucking thing is a conscious effort, nothing really becomes routine regardless of for how long I am doing it. Even the things I do routinely I have to do while actively paying attention, like my morning “routine”.
Always a mental checklist. Last time I was really tired and just slogged through without thinking I literally forgot to brush half of my teeth.
It’s so exhausting. In a couple weeks I have a new evaluation appointment for medication, I hope that helps somewhat.
Yeah, if I can forget that I’m physically addicted to caffeine, I can forget a habit. Pshhh that’s easy level stuff. When you have to actively ask yourself, “what should I be doing, right now?” And the answer is, eat something, it’s been 28 hours since your last meal. Don’t get me wrong, I made meals for my wife and kids, they ate… I just forgot to.
That moment where I start getting a headache around 11am because I forgot to make coffee after breakfast…
Right.
Yeah, nothing I do becomes easier as I do them routinely. If anything it becomes harder and overtime the routine just isn’t sustainable.
Anything that do become a habit is always because of external pressure, which without it the habit will immediately puff to nothing. But like another meme said, we hate those external pressure, but can’t live without it.
I’m the same way. It’s ironic given that I posted this meme, but when I can use them lists really help.
In my case, if I travel somewhere for 3 days, when I get back, many of the routines I had at my original location will have evaporated no matter how long I had them, so I made a list, and have been trying to build a routine-recovering routine. It’s slow going for other reasons but I’ve been very slowly working on it for 5 years now and it has helped at times when I’ve needed it (and remembered it exists).
Here’s my additional tip to OP’s tip: if you are someone who holds habits like a sieve holds water, you have to be even more intentional about forming habits, and form multiple interlocking habits that cue you. I’m at a very stressful time in life right now so it’s hard for me to remember details but like, I wanted to develop a daily meditation habit. But what I had to do in order for it to actually stick, was develop a ritual out of interlocking habits: getting my tea, lighting some incense, doing the actual meditation, once finished immediately having a rewarding sip of tea, dusting off my cushion, writing a brief journal entry afterwards (this is the one that tipped it over the edge for me for some reason) with a piece of dark chocolate. I also put little succulents by my altar with a lamp on a timer that comes on in the morning, so just the lit-up presence of plants which I need to tend every few days draws me toward the altar if I’ve forgotten or postponed my sit.
You have to be like this with everything that doesn’t come naturally. Yes, it’s extremely intentional, which is exhausting. Yes it’s a lot of hit or miss, trial and error, because of all the little sub-habits I just described above, there will be a number you try which end up not working for you. So you have to be persistent at messing around with your habit-sculpture long enough to find a permutation which works for you, and being persistent at things like this can be very difficult for people like us. In that case, I recommend sheer desperation, it helps with the persistence.
Tip: instead of making schedules, try to build habits. […] The hardest part is to be consistent, so try to not skip more than one day.
This is some ‘gee thanks I’m cured’ sort of advice. I’ve repeatedly tried to create habits, but they do not stick and my brain will drop them like a hot potato if I’m not actively keeping the habit going. The only relief I’ve found is a gamification app that helps me remember all the habits I need to do. And even then I still forget to do all my habits on the reg…
Not the guy you’re responding to but I made a comment upthread that I found success by developing interlocking habits, or in some cases it’s fair to say rituals rather than habits … little sub-habits that guide you to the main one you want to develop, or briefly reward you when you’ve completed it. Items or processes in your environment which cue you and remind you that the habits you want to do even exist.
For example, 2 sub-components of what finally got me to remember to meditate (or skip, but intentionally 😒) were writing a brief journal entry of my observations after each sit with a piece of chocolate, and having a couple little succulents with a light on a timer by my altar, so that every time I’m in the room during the day the altar area, with a couple plants I need to keep an eye on for their health, is lit up to draw me in if I’m ready.
Doing things this way is very intentional and thus exhausting, and it requires a lot of trial and error to figure out the little sub-habits that all work together and that actually work for you (since some inevitably won’t), and hell as somebody explaining it I’ve only had a couple big successes with it because I often don’t have the energy/brainpower to figure all this out … but man when I can pull it off, it works sooo well.
I’m a huge believer in “prosthetic environments” which I believe is a concept Dr. Russell Barkley came up with, he annoys me a little but as an ADHD research he’s like 85% dead on target about this stuff, and thinks deeply about it.
Good luck!
A small walk in the morning is a really good habit and good for you.
Plus there’s the benefit of working out helping with sleep quality and (at least for me) making focusing easier.
I’ve been trying to develop this habit for 7 years because I know how good it is for me :(
I recommend starting small on walking distance, it helps a lot IMO
Pick a song you like and walk in one direction until the song is over then turn around
Eventually move up to more songs and maybe a whole album
Or if you like audiobooks listen to one while you walk and only while you walk. Personally this is what I do, though I’m pretty inconsistent of I’m having difficulties finding another book to listen to.
Making the schedule is the easy part. I could make the most amazing schedule of all time. It’ll be fully booked with healthy eating, exercise, classes, work, sleep, you name it. Following it? Lol
