“You can tell there is an unrelenting darkness within him that can only be exorcised by jumping a motorcycle into a canyon or parachuting out of a plane in semi-orbit—and none of us wants to find out where that energy would be redirected were he not able to spend 17 hours a day performing stunts for a camera crew."
lol but honestly I thought it was true before checking the source
Ya… It felt right for some weird reason
I mean, the guy is a maniac.
Glad to see The Onion’s still got it lol
We ate the onion.
“Unrelenting darkness within him”? I thought that’s why Uncle Xenu installed his Thetan pump so those can be sucked out like some sort of anti-midichlorians.
Whoops, my breath smelling like onions today…
Tastes good. Onions back on the menu.
I got got on this one, holy shit
Totally ate the onion on this one, but then it got me thinking of a giant Tom Cruise shooting lasers from his eyes and wrecking DC. Hmmm…
LOL. As I was reading the summary, I thought “man, this reads like an article from The Onion”. And sure enough, it is!
Tom cruise is a horcrux prove me wrong.
Duh, Scientology will fup their lives
