I don’t get it. Everywhere I look there is this discussion about getting into a relationship, getting gfs/bfs and constantly chasing after it. And I’m not doing anything of it. I never paid attention to such stuff. During my teenage years, I thought it was normal attraction which people cave into and pursued such things. But now in my 20s, the same thing I observe, if not a little bit more than I used it. People getting sad because they are not finding someone. People being happy because they have one for themselves.
I’m not that career focused either. I just mind my own business. If it’s studying or working, I just mind that. I do nothing like checking out girls in my school/workplace like my peers do. Maybe I’m just scared to pursue such things. I also think having a relationship is a huge headache too. Meeting them, making them happy, going out with them regularly. (I don’t go out myself where will I take her to?). All of this while doing your daily stuff.
Am I wrong thinking to put career first before I get into relationships and stuff?
Why would it be wrong? You choose your own path in life.
I’ve gotten the most interest from others when I’ve been focused on my own goals, anyway.
Try to relax and enjoy the ride. Relaxed people are attractive.
Trust your future self to make good dating choices, when the opportunity arrives.
That said, it took me awhile to wise up and establish some very basic fashion sense.
If I could tell my past self one thing about dating, it would be:
Classic looks never go out of style, but “not even trying” never goes into style.
I took too long to figure that one out.
Noone dies wishing they worked more.
But almost every poor old person wishes they’d earned more when they were younger.
Same. But I merely burnt-out+got Fibromyalgia at 32.
I should have worked more harder.
/s
Also, “Work won’t love you back.”
I’m surprised no one is really talking about asexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum. It’s entirely possible and perfectly fine if romantic relationships aren’t as important to you as they are to other people.
I know people who spend entire nights crying and reinforcing their dogs separation anxiety because they can’t find a partner. Others that are much closer to retirement than college who have never had a serious romantic partner and don’t seek one.
You probably shouldn’t prioritize work over personal life. You also don’t have to be in relationships if you don’t want to. I would recommend keeping an open mind and not getting stuck on labels. If partners and relationships aren’t something you think about a lot that’s ok. If not having that bothers you then you might want to seek professional help to assist in figuring out why you’re avoiding relationships.
Also keep in mind that basically every country on the planet heavily encourages marriage and children so get used to skipping all those options on your taxes and benefits.
Do what makes you happy
I agree with those that say it really depends on what you want atm. If it’s something you’re actually wanting and think you can manage that with the other things you have going on, then as a 30 year old loner myself, I would say go for it—but maybe that’s just me projecting. I’ve been bitching about getting into a relationship and make excuses nonstop but I ain’t necessarily getting any younger. They’ll probably make the movie 60 year old virgin about me, so look forward to that (the movie). 😉
It will likely take some time to find a good partner. I don’t think you can postpone til your late 30s and expect to quickly find a good match. Its fine if you’re happy single - but if you think you’re likely to want something different in the future, it’s good to start working towards that, even just a little, now.
There’s no right or wrong, just follow your interests. It’s your life. Relationships are not much of a drain I find, but children are more demanding. There are benefits that can make your life better, if you find the right person to pair up with.
nothing at all is wrong with building a career first if that is what you want to do. It is your life after all.
No you’re not. Everyone is different and as long as you don’t avoid relationships out of principle, it’s fine. But if that ever changes, stay open minded. Do what feels right.
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I mean, if that’s what makes you feel fulfilled in life, you do you.
I can say that I’ve spoken with a lot of elderly people looking back on their lives and it’s nearly unanimous that they all say they’d wish they’d spent less time at work and more with their family. I’ve never once heard someone say the opposite.
I’m in my late 30s, so still pretty young, but with a bit more experience than you. I can tell you that your employer will never care about you beyond what financial benefit you bring. They’ll never be there for you when you hit hard times. They’ll never help support you when you need it. They’ll never be your shoulder to cry on or provide you emotional support. That’s what friends and family are for.
Focus on your career if that’s what you want right now, but be mindful of where you might be in 10, 20, or 30 years or where you want to be. Finding a partner in life doesn’t just happen because you’re successful in your career or expect it should. You need to put effort into making that happen. If you don’t know what you want out of life, now is the time to experiment to figure that out. Do you want to be a career-driven person who spends most of their time selling your labor to someone else? Do you want to build a business you own yourself? Do you want to have kids and a family? Do you want to travel and experience a lot of the world?
These are questions only you can answer for yourself. You don’t need to have the answers now, but now is the time to start figuring out those answers.
Weird but not bad. More abnormal. Be aware others aren’t waiting, so you may have slim pickings when the time comes
This is entirely dependent on where you’re living. If you live in a large city, slim isn’t the word I’d use.
Also, not weird or abnormal in a lot of the world. Lots of areas in Asia value education before relationships and encourage someone to be self-sufficient before marrying.
That’s fair, though op definitely sounds like they may be on the ace spectrum or a late bloomer in that context. There’s waiting for self sufficiency to pursue relationships and then there’s wondering why people in their 20s are so focused on romance.
I was self sufficient when I married in my mid 20s, but it usually takes a few years of romantic experience before someone marries.
And I guess slim may not have been the best word, drastically reduced might be better. The romantic scene has a few time periods of your life with dramatic changes to it. And what and when is cultural but itll happen. I remember when around the time I graduated college suddenly half my tinder matches had kids. In my 30s a lot of single people my age are divorced. Not all by any stretch, but notably many. As you get older and older widows start entering the picture.
None of this is inherently bad and they shouldn’t get into a relationship just because they’re worried they won’t be able to later, but waiting can make it harder and it’s something to be prepared for if they aren’t just asexual
Nothing is wrong at all with that. For me I was in a relationship, but everyone started having kids and I didn’t. I realized I didn’t really want kids anyway and pushed on.
Now, I’m a big fan of “relationships aren’t sought after”, that you don’t just go out and find one, but rather it happens by chance, or randomly. So I’d say maybe be open to it if it comes across? And that’s also because the longer you wait the harder it is.
If a relationship isn’t very important to you, you’re actually doing the right thing for your potential partner. Not everyone is meant to “pair up” with someone. If you’re happy and fulfilled right now, just keep doing what you’re doing. You always have the option to change things if you want to.
