It’s fine to think about such things, but leftists have a tendency to fall into patterns of thinking that are governed by self-righteousness and victimisation which can be paralysing and counter-productive. The Ancient Greeks used to say that the best thing for a man would be to have never been born at all. It’s an old problem. But we’re here now and we have to do what we can.

its pretty normal honestly, i wouldnt worry about it too much. most people shouldnt have been born considering gestures at everything

my parents shouldn’t of had me and they did a bad job raising me compared to what im seeing as an adult but they did their best they didnt know any better.

I can relate to those thoughts and I’ve just been diagnosed with heavy depression. If you’re also tired all of the time you might want to go to the doctor’s.

Anyway regarding your parents: Who they are now might not have been who they were when they decided to have you (I know mine weren’t).
Either way, you’re not responsible for your parents happiness, but I’m pretty sure they’re very happy that you exist, they just don’t like each other.

It sounds like you’re taking on a responsibility that isn’t really supposed to be yours, so I just want to say: You didn’t keep them together, their unwillingness to accept that they should be apart did. They might have used you as an excuse for this unwillingness, but that’s on them, not you. You are not responsible for that, just like you’re not responsible for their relationship. They are adult sapient beings who should be able to look at their relationship and realise that they are bad for each other. The fact that they have a child together shouldn’t be a complication, in fact it should have made it easier for them to make the responsible decision, so they could provide you with two stable loving homes, instead of one unstable home.
You are not responsible for your parents. They are responsible for themselves and in fact they are responsible for you, because they are your parents. It should not be you lamenting your existence, but them lamenting the fact that they have pushed you to think such a thing. You are not responsible for your parents.

you have inherent value and human dignity

my parents divorced, violently, when i was 5. my dad died a couple decades later. i often wonder what the fucking point of them having me was, but there wasn’t a point. my dad came in my mom and she wanted to keep it and shit spiraled and pressed their relationship into goo. but regardless of my feelings on it i still have to be here and live, and a lot of cool shit has happened to me even if i think my existence is a ‘mistake’ or whatever. even if my parents didn’t really give a shit, or couldn’t care for me and each other properly, i still have people in my life that depend on me and who i love dearly, and that sorta makes up for it.

fwiw therapy has helped a lot

I don’t think someone needs to be the result of a loving relationship to matter or have value. None of us really needed to exist but we do so fuck it, let’s try to make the most of it (I need to take my own advice here)

As for caring about the future, I think we all should want a better reality for the children even if they aren’t “our” children. Immediate family isn’t necessarily the most important thing, we’re all related. Personally it brings me comfort to think of all life in the universe as part of a connected consciousness, and it’s worth fighting for.

No. That’s not an uncommon thought. They probably shouldn’t have. My parents shouldn’t have, either. But they did, and we’re here now, and wringing our hands over it accomplishes nothing.

You exist now, in the present. That’s an immutable truth that you cannot change, so your only choice is to live now, and look forward to making a better future.

You’re here. You made it. That’s all it takes for your life to have as much value as anyone else’s. Plenty of people have children in less than ideal circumstances. That’s their own lives. This is yours.

Good things can come from bad decisions, and bad things can come from good decisions.

The existential questions come up regardless. Either way you ask yourself why, what’s the point, if you matter, if anything matters. And the answer is always no reason and something extremely important, there is no point and the point is because someone cares, you and everything matters but also not at all and certainly not to the universe.

And that’s ok.

I guess I don’t really understand what your discomfort stems from. Most marriages in human history have been about convenience and economic necessity as opposed to love. It was nice if you got along with your spouse but that was never the main reason. At worst, your parents’ marriage is on the lower end of the average human experience with marriage.

If you want an existential reason for your existence then you probably won’t find one. Human beings aren’t really sentient in the way they think they are. Most humans are driven by instinct in the same way that an insect is. What we consider the ego is merely the social organ that the brain uses to navigate interpersonal relations.