I drink too much. That’s a fact. I can’t sleep without chemicals, my insomnia and depression are facts. I just lie in bed replaying all my worst memories, same as when I’m awake but with nothing to distract me. I’m also terrified of sleep because I suffer from sleep paralysis and that makes ne stressed at when I’m trying to sleep. I refuse to go to sleep like a normal person who is healthy, I will not wake up paralyzed aware of my unmoving body ever again, and drinking myself to sleep has a 100% success rate in avoiding that.

When I act “normal” I have nightmares of getting stabbed again. When I go to sleep like a normie I wake up unable to move and trapped in a body I can’t control.

I want to just to be normal. To be able to lie down in bed and not be terrified in my inability to move or breathe feeling like I’m dying on the other end.

How do I fix this?

  • Raebxeh [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Booze: quit with a friend. All forms of getting sober have shit success rates, but quitting with a friend has the highest.

    Stabby dreams: Maybe look into EMDR therapy. It seems kinda nuts but it’s scientifically backed and has a good success rate with trauma responses like that

    Sleep paralysis: Alcohol makes sleep paralysis worse. Seems like you’re consuming so much alcohol that you’re passing out rather than just falling asleep, which would make it so you wouldn’t wake up during REM sleep as easily. I believe alcohol also reduces frequency and length of REM sleep but don’t quote me on that. Either way, the alcohol makes sober sleep more likely to produce sleep paralysis. Could just be anxiety or some other mental health thing. Could also be narcolepsy-related. Do you fall asleep quicker and more easily than most people? You can take online screeners for that that’ll tell you whether or not you should be seen for narcolepsy.

    • GinAndJuche [comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      I take forever to fall asleep, lifelong insomnia. I hear on the making it worse part, but it bats 100 in terms of preventing it, which is my foundational priority.

      I’ll loon into the therapy, in a month I’ll have health insurance that covers it, yay.

      You are dead on though, I use substances to las out and bypass whatever it is that’s been giving me sleep paralysis since I can recall.