Homicide

This has been my go-to duck quote for decades.

I just squash the tube into an oval.

Proper orientation and cats.

Great job. Just finished re-waxing my winter coat.

It’s the rule of goats:

If you screw a goat ironically, you still screwed a goat.

You have personally upset Zeus, who keeps popping your breakers out of spite.

On cold nights, my oldest cat demands that I make a “bed tent” with my legs so she can sleep under the blankets without being touched.

I’ve fallen asleep in this position more than once.

“all-straight-non-millenial-white-guy fire crews”

More that it is superfluous to the sentence.

Succumb.

This is your life now.

Back in my IT support days, IPX routing had a “Count to Infinity” problem when the number of hops between sites went above 15. We used to joke that this made 16 “Infinity”.

Being nerds at the time, we did napkin math to prove the Shakespearian Monkey Quotient was 256cmy (combined monkey years) for “Hamlet”.

It should have been a flying whale.

As a boss, I would demand some “as proof”.

My wife’s cat* hated me and I didn’t see her for 9 months. She was an indoor cat.

*(We got two rescue cats the day after we moved into our house. It’s not like I butted into a long relationship.)

A Toyota embedded, like a javelin, 6 feet off the ground in the side of an abandoned building.

They made the first 90° turn of a dog-leg, but missed the second and, with the help of a ditch, launched into the air at the building.

I see the raccoon and all I think is this.

He still owes me money.

Unused characters become my NPCs.

Cops and work trucks. Both drive around constantly and eat lunch on the road. My family uses this trick when travelling in the US, it has not let us down.

Fair point.