Thanks for the gratitude. That well is so dried up in this world. Gratitude givers have chosen to become gatekeepers with selective preference. Perhaps whoever said it, said it the best - value of some things and people is only known after they go away. If my mind flipped I’d just desert the internet altogether at some point, as I see no point in just giving and not receiving even gratitude, and its not like I see much value in the internet with transactional interactions.
We are in a somewhat similar position, if you read this comment. It can get a little ranty.
I hold onto some disagreements with grad over men’s rights and western feminism, so I no longer talk as much here, purely out of respect for this place, until views align, or I get discussion without the labelling, or some middle ground possibly gets established eventually over time. I expect that, because absurdity on both redpill and bluepill sides is becoming obvious, and is not the gender war its manufactured out to be. This happened even on Lemmy, and hexbear banned my Lemmy account for it. But I try to help grad covertly, and help the political discourse by both online talk and by trying to disseminate leftist facts as peptalk to family and friends, and deradicalise away the “western” love they have. Even managed to grind gears of an old family member yesterday when she said lower class workers and maids are happiest due to using social media and not buying things, by giving her a nice 2 minute lecture on how capitalism creates advertisements, its psychological roots (she is a psychologist lol, me giving her lessons on Freud’s theories and Edward Bernays) and how the happiest people are the ones who are healthy and rich in terms of free time, and who do not get their time eaten by these capitalist structures and machines.
I am beginning to hate the internet, and am realising internet people simply do not matter in the long run. The “copium” of internet community can last only so long (internet’s Golden Age happened pre-2010, post-Golden Age has ended now), and you need to have a rocksolid offline life of your own with the power of being able to disconnect at your own will at any time. Even better if you champion solitary lifestyle with minimal or no dependence on external friends or relations, and even family, with being able to not go clinically insane.
I have done enough for the privacy community, keep pushing back on the security extremists evangelising FOSS community with Big Tech love, and almost nobody supports me in pushing back against these assholes. It does not matter that I documented 5 years of evidence tirelessly, selflessly and with no fucks given for donations, money or my own life and sanity and sometimes even sleep. Nobody fucking listens to me. No critical support, and I end up being mislabelled purposely (narcissists create lies to smear and gaslight as self-defense cope) by these GrapheneOS loonies as a conspiracy privacy extremist, just for actually ending up advocating proper way to live a r/privatelife. I have tried telling Lemmy admins, they both sided me. I fucking want to unmod myself from Lemmy’s privacy and technology communities, because I get no critical backbone support. Fuck this shit. FUCK! I am angry and pissed I literally am the near perfect person on the internet that FOSS community would want as an internet militant that defends the FOSS and privacy principles on the frontlines.
Ugh, sorry I think I made this a thing about me…
But let me just say it concisely, this lack of empathy from all sides, no internet support, a very silent lonely solitude life I cause by holing myself up away from society to want peace and fix myself, only to end up with moments where I fucking hear silence itself (no tinnitus), an absolute survivalist soul and mind literally made up of steel, being a narcissist-detecting truth teller with foresight all my life… I do not even want to speak of the fucking sad life I live. I am just so strong, resilient and potent that I continue to not break, and even “carry the water” for others selflessly. Maybe if I went clinically insane, maybe someone would help me out of pity or I off myself out of fun or spite. I do not even fucking know what has gotten into me because I have never typed shit like this publicly. WTF. Why does my soul just never break to end the cycle altogether? Is there a purpose to all this? Is there a destiny for me that disallows me to, like the Groundhog Day movie?
I never tell anyone of the pain I live with, I tell no one and keep it to myself like the most naturally Stoic gigachad you could find. And its not like I am ugly. I have been told by both offline friends and online friends and acquaintances that I am wasting my potential by not getting a girlfriend I easily could, being really good looking, both face and physique, the cleanest and most brutally honest motherfucking soul everyone around them knows, being the helper and whatever else. Maybe I was too nice in life, but I am not sure if I even became a doormat. I carry. I carry, I lead, I just fucking carry for everyone with a back that never breaks. I am a fucking donkey. The biggest idiot to embrace this planet.
Sorry to whoever reads this fucking bullshit I wrote for no reason. I just never break on the inside, and end up vomiting like this.
Removed by mod
Buy yourselves a Victorinox Ranger ($60) for life, best SAK. Get their firestarter addon for like $5, that fits into the corkscrew. Single biggest “prep” item and BIFL upgrade to life. Boomers are now handing over their old Huntsman SAKs to children. Get fit and learn to survive on low food and water.
The next step is community rebuilding, not becoming a lonewolf guerilla Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone, which is only helpful in apocalypse.
I would also caution you against nasty vote manipulators who always strive to manufacture conflict between people, like it is happening to you. I have many internet enemies who like to do this.
https://web.archive.org/web/20220310045805/https://beehaw.org/
See the “sealioning” rule. It might be useful ammo.
Not yet read the materials, mainly because of the whole Reddit exodus thing that will be going on for a while. I have to think what to do with my privacy subreddit. I will take time to participate here unless I can fully accept where I stand on the social slider, because I am protective towards this space even if I may have to leave. I did pursue other methods into seeing redpill arguments and Jubilee YT channel middle ground debates related to alphamale/beta/feminism and such.
We’ve handled an “exodus” before (they go back to Reddit in the end no matter how much they criticise it), we’ve handled trolls, we’ve handled DDoS attacks, they can’t bring anything we haven’t seen before.
But before this, liberal Borg/Collective has not moved like this across the internet overnight. The network effect can be overwhelming, and there will be leaks like the user who got ratio’d below. It is best to have an understanding of these other instances popping up, as there are about 10-12 major Lemmy instances now.
I do gauge myself on the redpill/blackpill part of the spectrum. And I do need to investigate, but it is not easy. But I think it is worth it.
I will not pretend I just pretended everything I said here, because these are indeed my current beliefs. But I will admit I wanted this engagement in comments, to be able to hear the leftist side of things to learn more, since I have watched enough content from the centrist/conservative entities I mentioned. There is now something more for me to ponder over.
I have a question: why is there no guide or recommendations for these kind of topics, the way I make guides for digital privacy? I do have an answer for it in the form of social engagement being a circus, no matter which camp, but it may not be a sufficient answer. Also, anti-imperialism is a large focus of the communist struggle.
Since you head this instance, I do want to tell it is not that I was salty about the ban, but about being called a misogynist with no dialogue exchange. Although most people will not want to consider other POVs unlike me, or are merely outing themselves by mistake, so I think there needs to be a consideration not just for gauging to ban someone, but to have a dialogue. I created this dialogue, nobody wanted to have it with me. And all of you that are talking to me, are doing so because there is a shared trust considering my year long history here, and because some recognise my tech privacy work. I think gauging people needs a lot more work.
Ping @muad_dibber@lemmygrad.ml and other admins for the last paragraph
According to researchers, the 23 percent of participants who only had sex with their spouse prior to getting hitched reported higher quality marriages versus those who had other past sexual partners as well.
I think this has got more to do with sexually frustrated men and women carrying out their dark thoughts, breaking down, healing themselves to become better men and women, ending up becoming more satisfied, since at this point they are over their internal frustration and possibly traumatic issues. Sexual act does serve as a venting outlet.
I will process more diverse literature on this subject, but time is going to tell a lot of things. I do not think society is headed down a very bright path, and we are about to see highly turbulent times which will affect both sexes.
I will keep a cool head and consume multiple sources instead of looking it as a way to deprogram, atleast this is what I can conclude. I am in no way righteous, but I think this is a subject where nobody has correct views. Social interaction goes so deep that even the most experienced extroverts get thrown off regularly.
Why is one country demographic so limiting in this case, when USA’s per capita PPP is extremely high? I would instead argue USA’s cultural westernisation effect carries over to almost all countries sufficiently for this study to be valuable.
You think alcohol and drug abuse leads to a healthy life? It is a sign of deep internal instability. Why can you not see it comes down to these people hating the concept of committing to a partner, using each other like meat, thus revealing personality issues and internalised horrible ideas of how a society should be?
I never said it was necessarily depression. Substance abuse and alcohol abuse clearly is shown there. The concept of pair bonding is true to an extent, depending on how loyal people are. People engaging in casual sex are not loyal or committing people.
I forgot to supplement this with another study, a mistake I will correct now.
And in the same breath, I would recommend this one as well. https://web.archive.org/web/20220124003810/https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability/
Why is polygamy (or in your words promiscuity) inherently worse than monogamy?
The only issues are not limited to verbal acceptance and consent. There is something post that.
The social player thing is not just a woman problem, in fact I’d say it’s worse coming from men. As another commenter said, men do that shit all the time and only when women start to engage in similar behaviors does it become a problem. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding certain values for yourself, I myself could never be a social “player” (meaning casually sleeping around, if I’m interpreting that right)
Men can be really aggressive thanks to testosterone, and women are nurturing and the birthgivers of human society. This forms a very large basis behind the social constructs that are binary gender roles we have today, that have remained stagnant since centuries. Biochemistry does not change, our scientific and social understanding grows as humans.
Social player in the way I say means man/woman who plays around with multiple relationship partners, not necessarily having casual sex, but exploiting them for monetary or social validation favours, although in many cases, casual sex is a factor.
I threw myself out here to see the responses I get, so I can read them, and if there are any good recs, which I think is the most important quality of a true leftist – self-critique. I am not sure if I want to stick around because I did not like how I was called a misogynist, silenced for 4 days, and that just made me feel miserable for what are conflicting views and not necessarily Tate-ist ideas.
I do not think the reality is this simple. There is not a speck of doubt that misogyny has existed in society, but men have had their share of inequalities, like being the only demographic group to be conscripted during wars or emergency (includes current Russian SMO), men being the dominant group to be in military or in any dangerous factories or industrial facilities, men never having had an equivalent brotherhood like women have sisterhood throughout the times, men mostly never being given child custody in a broken marriage, and so on.
Moreover, women overwhelmingly prefer traditionalism once they are post 30s, and feminists actively cherrypick traditionalist roles to conform to, despite the general notion being advertised as destroying traditional societal roles. How would you categorise this as, women being okay with misogyny as it benefits them in long term, or women being unfaithful to feminist movement, or feminist movement derailed in some capacity and/or by within itself, or some other explanation?
Regarding polygamy, there is a study that many people will not like. I do not think it is healthy, and just because something has been done eternally, does not mean it is correct to continue doing. Is that not what breaking down the medieval ideas, that still exist in society as it is, all about?
I will try to skim through that literature, thanks for the rec.
I am welcome to enriching my knowledge on these matters, and exposing myself to diverse sources of information. But I cannot guarantee if I will absorb everything as it is. I will take liberty with shaping my worldview.
monogamy
but it’s immediately clear from your writing that you don’t hold them only for yourself but you hold those positions as normative and when you communicate you impose that position on the world.
Explain to me why is polygamy healthier for either of the sexes. In case of women, abusively having sex means personal issues and inability to spiritually bond with future partners, as the “threshold” for satisfaction becomes higher with every partner. In case of men, it simply means an incredible lack of emotion and an internalised hatred towards self and women (extreme conservative views from medieval era play a large role in shaping this idea).
I don’t even think masculinity is a real thing, I think it’s a social construct that has a history, that is to say, it’s a trope or a meme. […] And when you look at the similarities, they are usually the similarities that go along with reinforcing structures of oppression and the rest is just accidental historical window dressing.
Window dressing has been an incredible problem contributing to the worldview shaping. And by calling masculinity a social construct, that allows for everything to be called a social construct, throwing the basis of society’s survival and existence to date out of the window. I do not think this is wise, and in that capacity I disagree. Conservatives act like its still the fucking 18th century, and the other end of the spectrum likes to act that sex is a cheap act and just a venting outlet for other issues, so it is both justified, and in line with the oversexualisation of mass media, so its “normal”.
This does not make you not misogynistic, just like having a black friend doesn’t make you not racist. Also, the idea that being chivalrous is somehow not misogynistic is completely mistaken. Chivalry is literally derived from the word for knight, and we can pretty clearly see how the entire of medieval European society was misogynistic
I did not mean to use it as an escape jail card. But I think it is rare enough that I can use that phrasing legitimately. Chivalry can be interpreted as misogynistic, because of binary gender norms playing into the equation, but I do not think being respectful and courteous is the same as that. Good and nice men exist, and most of them become toxic either because of extreme conservatism (what I try to avoid) or fuckboys/fuckgirls rewarding the wrong behaviours in society.
Monogamy is found throughout the animal world, as is polygamy. Neither is better or worse. The belief that one is generally better or worse is problematic.
We are not animals with nothing else to do than chew on grass/meat and breed like rabbits. Humans have more than just intuition and intelligence. Humans have intellect that distinguishes them from animals. This is not pedanticism.
I want to know what is so misogynistic about traditional views like women often dating for free food
This isn’t a traditional view. This is a false belief. No one has ever dated me for free food. No one I know has I ever dated anyone for free food. No one I know has ever talked about their friends dating someone for free food
I strongly disagree. Freeloading exists significantly. I have no idea what to say if you think this does not exist. Women do it for two reasons – food, and being able to share selfies from lavish hotels on Instagram/Snapchat for social media validation.
I want to know what is so misogynistic about traditional views like Western feminism not being a true representation of feminism, and how much it currently harms mainly men, and creating polarisation between both sexes
Also not a traditional view. This is a full on reactionary view. Feminism does not harm men. Feminism does not create polarization between the sexes. The polarization between men and women is quite literally the history of class society for millennia.
I want you to watch what goes on in this debate on Jubilee. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOUGNGWmN0k (note: no side likes Derrick, the yellow jacket incel, feel free to ignore that idiot)
Feminism, atleast on Western side of the movement, actively seeks to not just harbor, but has also been harming men. Plenty cases of false shaming men in public and in gyms, actively misinterpreting and targeting MRA, and other issues exist.
I saw the boyslockerroom/girlslockerroom case last year in India, on Twitter, during the 3 days that it happened. The girls who faked Snapchat chats on boys allegedly discussing women in a nasty manner, caused one boy to commit suicide one day after feminists started screaming on Twitter, and how women’s police commission must take action on the boy. The girl who fabricated it for social views is free, active on social media and doing whatever she wants. Men’s lives get destroyed in a snap upon accusations these days.
I want to know what is so misogynistic about traditional views psychology of dominance and submission in relationships factoring into the stability of any long term relationships, including marriage
You don’t see what’s so misogynistic about believing that men must dominate women to establish a long-term relationship? Really?
I know what you are saying, and this is why I mentioned it, knowing an obvious response will come to it, and I have no problems saying that what you are saying is correct. But this has a lot to do with biochemistry. Ever seen women who gym and eat a lot of meat, or take testosterone? Ask them or read their testimonies of how they start thinking and acting aggressively. Testosterone causes anyone to be aggressive, which is why men have fought wars, done the physically stressful jobs and acted dominant in relationships and in society. Women being the nurturing caretaker is not some idea that was born out of “toxic mindset”, but rather the simple fact that we are biologically designed in a way that woman is more sensitive, physically vulnerable and due to lack of testosterone, not as aggressive, the way a man is.
I do not think self critique is necessarily part of being a communist, but it is a mark of being a true leftist, which is why I put myself up here for perhaps what might be one of the most controversial posts on here.
Where did you get your ideas about how dating works? Also, you mentioned that some conservative/centrist dating advice has value. What takeaways did you get from them that you found valuable?
Matthew Hussey, Kevin Samuels mainly. For a wider view on society, I like to watch J-Hall and Whatever podcast, not necessarily absorbing everything said on there. There is a point to be made that it mostly covers Western society, but then most of society is heavily influenced by western ideas of socialisation, and since I live in India, I already know what the extreme conservative end looks like.
Whatever podcast has 4-5 hour podcasts that are diverse enough to have a Chinese girl who told mainland is heavily conservative (like India) and has double standards, where if a woman slept with more than one man, she would be called a slut, whereas it would not matter for the man.
Silent Notes on F-Droid. Barely talked about, local (no cloud), great encryption, very discrete and great formatting options. My personal pick after shifting away from the bloated and feature-limited Standard Notes.