I love all the ritualized behaviour, secret meanings and unexpected taboos - standing up when someone of higher status stands, elaborate rules for serving and eating, tapping the table to thank the server, never refuse a toast from a superior, stuff like that.
Whether it’s about meals or anything else, I’d love to hear about any uncommon politeness standard or similar social behaviour that goes on in your location, culture or restaurant!
Here in the upper Midwest, it’s highly impolite to ask guests to leave, or for guests to directly announce that they’re leaving. The accepted way for hosts to hint is to say, “Would ya look at the time?”, or steer the conversation toward things the host has to do later, e.g. clean up, or get up the next morning. For guests, stereotypically you slap your knees and say, “Welp, I suppose…”
Then you don’t just leave, there’s the goodbye, the doorway goodbye, the offer of leftovers to take home, and the driveway goodbye.
The knee slap sounds suspiciously german.
“Ach schau mal auf die Zeit! Schon 2 Uhr!”.
Not my culture but if you want to see this kinda stuff, try going to Japan. I exited a restaurant there and the waitress very excitedly went arigatogozaimasu (thank you very much) and made a full 90 degree bow. The service culture or like… I dunno how to describe it, like there’s a certain honor in upholding your job/duty there that is just very different from Denmark (which tbf is very much a polar opposite to Japan when it comes to work culture).
One thing that I think is very foreign to some people, that Americans take for granted, is that a table server is always watching you when you dine. If the patron looks unhappy, or us even just sitting up and looking around, a good server will be there as soon as they can to see if something is needed. Hand-in-hand with that, signalling a server, especially with a loud noise, is extremely rude, basically an accusation that they’re not doing their job. Which, okay, sometimes we aren’t and it’s appropriate. But to wave or stand is an indictment, and to snap or whistle is way over the line.
Correspondingly, a good waitress doesn’t interrupt a meal or conversation, but merely glides by or hovers until the party is ready for his attention.
A wave of the hand is absolutely not rude or an indictment, especially these days when nearly every restaurant is understaffed. It’s the polite way to get the server’s attention.
This is just a small thing and I don’t know if it’s exclusively Swedish (or even done in the entierty of Sweden) but anyways. In the grocery store all customers generally turn all products so that the barcode is facing forward, aka the way that’s the most convenient for the cashier. Partially done to pay respect I guess but also makes the whole thing go faster.
Not common here in the US, but I’ve worked in retail, so I do it. I know how annoying / slow it can be.
Americans often don’t also bag their own to groceries, which also slows the line down. Checkout lines become much shorter if you ready things for scanning and help with bagging.
also leave the 1/3rd of the conveyor closest to you empty and the cashier won’t have to lean and reach and can whip em even faster.
put loose stuff that needs to be weighed at the end, gives you a chance to catch up on bagging (cuz they will be going fast) and start paying. If you want to beat the checker it helps to have your club card physically so you can just scan it and not have to type your phone # in and tap to pay.
At higher levels of this game you can interleave the packages such that each bag gets a few big flat heavy things in the bottom and then fills in with lighter items.
I have never beaten the checker once it’s passed about half a cart but it’s fun to try!
standing up when someone of higher status stands
There’s a great story about this. It’s probably apocryphal, but it’s a fun enough story anyway. Like any such myth, there are variations, but this is the one I first heard.
There’s a tradition in classical music of standing when the Hallelujah chorus of Handel’s Messiah is performed. The story goes that the reason for this tradition is that at its premiere, King George II was so enthralled by it that he rose from his seat. And respect dictated that if the king was standing, so must everyone else be, so the entire audience stood.
In a busy restaurant in the New York City area, it is considered rude to waste people’s time in not knowing what to order. If you don’t have your order or questions ready about the order when it is your turn, you’re going to piss everyone else off.
Don’t salt your food before tasting it, it’s insulting to the chef/cook since it looks like you don’t trust their cooking.
There’s a popular story of someone being taken to a restaurant for an interview with their potential boss and the candidate being rejected because they salted their food before tasting it. The interviewer took it to mean the candidate wasn’t trusting, was opinionated, and didn’t respect the food or the chef and they didn’t get the job.
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“No elbows on the table” is one older one. I never really got it anyway
I feel like this is a global thing but here it goes When serving dinner the women are served first, then the men. They do this from oldest to youngest.
So, first person to get food/wine/water/wtv served is the oldest woman, and the last person to be served is the youngest man…
Edit: I got the tittle wrong I thought it was only formal setting stuff. This is only done in very formal settings. Like an extremely important ceremony on the military branches of my country for instance.
We don’t do that here (UK), there’s no order in which people are served their food. It doesn’t really matter, as it’s “polite” here to only start once everyone has got their food.
I think it might depend on the level of formality; pretty sure in very formal British ettiquette it goes clockwise from the person to the right of the host.
I don’t really understand how they would be able to know the age of everyone like @Waker describes though.
No one is going to behead you if you get the ages wrong for some reason.
But as you said, it’s only done in very very formal situations. Usually army/navy/airforce dinners and such. You almost never see it anywhere else.
Interesting! What part of the world do you live in, if you don’t mind me asking?
Portugal